good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
cat food counts as protein by the way
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
