so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just invented taco cereal.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
