I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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