i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
