Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
