The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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