Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
