Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
