before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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