I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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