From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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