I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
