I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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