that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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