I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
