i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sober January is a disaster.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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