Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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