Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
