TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
