"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
