Your tits are I can't wait for
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my liver is dry heaving
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
