Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
