I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
