doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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