so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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