What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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