If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
