I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
