Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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