What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
