I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
