Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
