I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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