Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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