my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
