so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
