these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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