Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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