I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
