I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
