We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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