He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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