She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
