We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
