Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
