you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My feet surprised me
Randomize
