I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
