Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
