paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
