Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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