Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
