Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
