Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
