Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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