we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
